


My Special Stuff

by raditus



Category: League of Gentlemen (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 13:05:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17305151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raditus/pseuds/raditus
Summary: You have a thing with Matthew Chinnery. You find out that you have to go through a relationship changwme and find yourself in the arms of the local butcher, Hilary Briss!





	My Special Stuff

"Do we have to have this talk again, Yn?" You gaped on in amazement. "I Know you remember that incident, but that was years ago!" He grinned a bit, "it's true that it's funnier in the future."

"I don't think it was funny!" You explode, making Dr. Chinnery jump. "Basically blowing out a *turtle's* arse, then making the little old lady feel guilty?" 

"You've been Ruddy gone for ten years!" He growled. "I've gotten better at my job, blast it!" 

"What about when Tubbs Tattsyrup had to sneak into Vasey proper because of her miserly husband?"

"The rotund older lady with the warthog husband? The one that brought in the stray kitten and wanted it checked over so she could keep it?" 

"Shivers the kitten, and good only knew how someone contaminated the flea medicine with *cocaine*!" 

It was a horrible scene, the cat was high and ran out into the streets. Edward, Tubbs' husband drove from their shoppe. The kitten was too fast and a horrified Edward ran over the kitten! Rumor had it that the corpse sailed into the air so far that it landed in one of the local churches bird baths, leaving poor Revered Bernice Woodall to rant about people's carelessness for many services to follow! 

You are instantly outraged when you hear Chinnery in the here and now surpress a laugh! 

Hot rage, then, "That's it, you wanker!" You stand up quickly, heading out of his vet's business. "I'm gone!" 

"You're dumping me?"

"Yes!" You continue, "You've turned into one mean, cold hearted bastard!"

"Come on, it's funnier now!"

After storming out of the office, you stew in your anger, walking the roads from inner Vasey to get home. You happen to notice Hilary, Vasey's butcher, tossing out blood and offal from his doors. He does this two or three times a day, opening, excess and closing. In twenty minutes, he'd shut shop for the night. 

He looked like a sinister, bigger version of Chinnery and it always made you shiver to think of it! You'd only saw him the once up close in the shop. You walked in when he was talking to a big wig. They both acted shady and grew silent as soon as you walked in. His teeth were darker and more animalistic than Chinnery. Sickened, you quickly bought dinner, hurrying away home. 

Today, you go to get dinner, but this time there was no one else but Hilary. He was hard at work, chopping up meat to be put on ice for tomorrow morning. He wore his ever present red and white.

"Mr Briss," You even inwardly, knowing there was a similar word, basically meaning circumcision! "Are you hiring?" 

His eyes flicked up to yours briefly while he worked. "No, we are family owned." 

"Yes, sir." You mutter You dig your dinner money out, adding, "I'll take a steak, please." 

"You live in Vasey?" He asks, fetching the meat.

"Yes, have for years. I had to go for awhile, but I'm back." 

"Are you close?" 

"No, actually. I live just outside of town. Right near this shop." 

"You've met the Tattsyrups?" 

"Tattsyrup?" You remember Tubbs. "Only briefly. They'd taken a pet to the vet's."

"They own that store." He explained. "They might hire you, since you're local."

You take the proffered meat from Hilary's grasp, your hand grazing his. You frown, his hand was more calloused than Chinnery's, but almost felt like his! Hilary pulled his hand back, glowering. 

You nearly throw the money at the man, decidedly hating the predatory glare! 

"Have a great night, sir." You mutter as you hurry out the door with your purchase. 

44444444

"Are you hiring?" You asked bluntly of the Tattsyrups. 

Edward gaped, then found himself. "Why would you want to work here?" 

"I've asked elsewhere, but the shopkeeper said his was a family business." 

"They've got that nice young man." Tubbs, Edward's wife put in, "He works with animals." Edward sneered.

"He isn't good enough, is he?" He asked his wife. "Mistook that thyroid medicine for cocaine. Gave Shivers it, didn't he?" 

 

"He was my pet black kitty." Tubbs put in sadly. "Doc said it was his meety bolism."

"It was met AB olism." Edward harshly corrected her. He turned back to face you, long suffering sigh, Rolling his eyes! 

"I can see I came at a bad time," You put in. "If you decided yes or no, I live just up the hill." You leave the shop. 

No sooner than you got indoors, a strange car drove up. You've seen it in Vasey, usually parked but for the love of you, you couldn't place who it belonged to! 

You're tensed unconsciously, waiting as it's driver exited the vehicle. Your mouth dropped open to see Hilary clambering out!

"Hil-" You correct yourself; You don't have *any* personal relationship with this man. To you, first names would be inappropriate! "Mr. Briss, what brings you out here?" 

He grins, his teeth making the gesture seem feral! You could imagine him doing some shady thing. Your skin crawled just thinking about it!

"You accidentally left part of your order at my shop. I've just shuttered for the night and thought it'd be a waste to throw it away." 

"Oh," You exclaim, surprised, "Thank you for bringing it by!" 

"Not a problem, Miss." Hilary replied even as he handed the bag over to you. The man towered over you, exactly like Chinnery, but with the bumbling vet, you felt safe. With Hilary staring you down, you felt danger, but - The butcher licked his lips and you felt your inside flush and tingle! 

You try to form words, but it was as if your brain short circuited! Hilary laughs seeing you discomfited!

"Cat got your tongue, Yn?" He stepped in, pressing you against the side of the car! "Better yet, could I be that cat?"

Suddenly, Hilary's mouth crashed into yours, probing tongue swirling into your mouth! Even as you find yourself instinctually dueling tongues, your middle burns on the inside, tingling scandalously! You moan breathlessly into Hilary's mouth at the sensation!

He broke the kiss, his eyes desirous and unfocused. "We need to make this private." 

You made a sound of confirmation, leading the man away and into your house.

444444

No sooner had you and Hilary got in the house, you managed to pin him against the wall of the foyer! The two of you were in an intense lip lock, groans of desire filling the air!

Hilary was *nothing* like Chinnery! Chinnery always treated you lightly whenever you made love; It was almost insulting! Hilary took initiative, groping exactly the way you showed him you wanted! Soon, the both of you were on your bed, Hilary unclothed and sweating above you! 

"Not even my wife is a good as you!" He gasps out. 

Oh fuck, he's married? You push him off you but it's too late; The damage is done! 

"You didn't tell me before you were married!" 

"You didn't ask." He stated with a mischievous grin as he sat up on the bed. You push your postcoital lethargy away long enough to sit up as well. "You were too busy giving me tongue and nearly breaking your bed with me." 

You flush hard at his statements, none of them a lie! "Well, we can't do it again." 

"And why not?" He sounded affronted!

"Because the moment I find someone is married, they're off limits to me." 

"That's a stupid rule." Hilary groused as he got off the bed. 

"That's it!" You thunder as you keep off your bed in anger. "Leave, asshole and don't come back!"

By this time, Hilary has his clothes back on, his striped apron folded over his arm. He leans against the frame of your doorway. 

"Oh no, Honeypot," He begins lecherously, "I *am* coming back, and coming often." He grins again as he gives you a loaded once over. "You're my particular brand of *special stuff*." He said the words special stuff with emphasis, like they had special meaning behind them. Once through, he licked his lips, then left. 

Seeing red at the impromptu cheekiness of the bastard, you throw one of your pillows at the far closet door, shouting, "Damn it to Hell!"


End file.
